Monday, 24 June 2013
Sunday, 23 June 2013
Half way mark....
Seeing as it is the last week in June - and therefore nearly the end of the first half of this year - it's time to recap my New Years Resolutions and see how far I have come to achieving them. I am afraid it's not going to be very positive - but maybe refreshing my memory of what I set out to achieve this year might spur me on to get my A into G!
1. Treat myself better (and others): Well, to be honest, I am not sure exactly where I stand on this one. I feel like I have been a lot easier on myself thus far and as a result have not had too many depressive, "down-time" episodes. I feel like I am a lot better at forgiving myself my mistakes and not taking too much to heart. That being said, I also feel like I am finally getting my head around letting go of negative, selfish people in my life - even people who have been around for a long time. Whilst that doesn't really bode well for "treating others better" - it does mean that my sanity and happiness has been pushed to the front of the queue, rather than worrying too much about what others think. So yeah, it's a little bit of what I was hoping for with this resolution, but I have a loooooong way to go (I WILL get to yoga classes this year, and sugar you are next on my hit list! eeek!)
2. Visit three new places: This is the one I was most looking forward to - being a bit of a gypsy at heart and having being "stuck" in Bowen since we moved back from London nearly 5 years ago (yep that's right - it's nearly been 5 years!!) Progress has definitely been made with this resolution (we visited Eungella and camped - I am not sure whether that counts though, because I have technically been to Eungella Dam before but I never camped actually at Eungella town before - and the fact that our camping trip revolved around only the camp site since the weather was so miserable and we couldn't go anywhere! Also J thinks we can count our Easter Trip to the Tablelands - although again, technically, I have been there before and Jon hadn't, but we did go to some spots that I had never seen before, so that counts yeah?) - I am looking forward to adding some more destinations to this resolution before year's end.
3. Make one day a week "tech free" and one night a week "date night": Fail. Miserably. I don't even think we have managed one HALF of a day being tech free (we both took our laptops camping and the thought of not being able to Wiki-search some random fact at any given moment on my phone sends me into a cold sweat! haha). I am determined tho - we WILL work harder at shutting off our electronic distractions more often - perhaps the one day a week was a little ambitious though. And as for the date nights, well, we spend a lot of time together at home - watching movies, cooking feasts and baking treats, sitting beside each other while we are on our laptops haha etc - but the out-and-about date nights have been few and far between. To be fair, there isn't a great deal to do in Bowen apart from go to the cinema or go to a pub for dinner. I think we are gonna have to put our heads together here and get a little more creative to sort out some quality time (outside of the house) together. Open to suggestions follks.....
4. Learn two new crafts: Ughhh this is becoming depressing. Ok, so, I have started accumulating the tools and reference materials required to start two new crafts but, being that I had a LONG period of non-craft/creative time - I haven't actually started anything yet. However, I am committed to trying each of these crafts out at least once before the next New Year's rolls around. Watch this space!
5. Do a photo-an-hour challenge at least once a month: I did manage to complete two months worth of these challenges (thanks for putting these ridiculous ideas in my head Instagram!) before I realised that all they were doing was highlighting how fricken boring my life is most of the time. I mean come on, who wants to look at pictures of J and I weeding the garden? Or walking the dog every afternoon? That shit wears thin pretty quickly! haha Maybe I will save the next photo-an-hour challenge up for the next time I actually have something planned on the weekend - and remember to bring my camera!
6. Try at least one new recipe a month: This one was never really going to be that difficult for J and I - we both LOVE to cook - with J being a little more adventurous than I - so we have tried a few different recipes out *with varying degrees of success* over the past 6 months. Some of it was not that difficult but still delicious (ie my Jewish penicillin recipe from this weekend *chicken soup with dumplings for those not in the know*- amazeballs) and some a little more tricky to master (slow roasted pork belly with apple cider and fennel - I am pleased to announce crispy crackle and juicy tender meat were a-plenty that day - it was touch and go for a while tho!). Needless to say, I will thoroughly enjoy continuing on with this resolution for the rest of the year - and hopefully get the chance to post some pics/recipes while I am at it.
7. Start some type of study: Oh hello indecision, my old friend. Thanks for showing up and sewing seeds of doubt in me for this resolution. I have spent many, many, many hours contemplating what is the right thing to do here. Battles of job security vs study costs, age vs desire to learn, head vs heart (and on and on) are still being waged in my head. Not to mention - once the decision to sign on for a course has been made, then the decision of exactly WHAT to study rears its ugly head. Shortlist or not - there are "smart" options and then there are things that are probably not as job secure to study but things I am really interested in...... If I could go back in time and slap some sense into 18 year old me, I sooooo would - and she would never have let herself drop out the first time she had a stab at university study (amongst other dumb decisions she made! haha). In the meanwhile - I will continue to write my "pros and cons" lists and hope that eventually a clear, right decision will make itself apparent to me.
So as you can see - not having a great run of success with these resolutions. But I didn't expect to actually achieve them all. Some are a bit nonsense, and some are a little more important. As long as I keep in the back of my mind the reasons why I thought these resolutions might serve to improve my life, I might actually make some more headway into the second half of this year.
Happy Half-Year y'all
Big love
S x
1. Treat myself better (and others): Well, to be honest, I am not sure exactly where I stand on this one. I feel like I have been a lot easier on myself thus far and as a result have not had too many depressive, "down-time" episodes. I feel like I am a lot better at forgiving myself my mistakes and not taking too much to heart. That being said, I also feel like I am finally getting my head around letting go of negative, selfish people in my life - even people who have been around for a long time. Whilst that doesn't really bode well for "treating others better" - it does mean that my sanity and happiness has been pushed to the front of the queue, rather than worrying too much about what others think. So yeah, it's a little bit of what I was hoping for with this resolution, but I have a loooooong way to go (I WILL get to yoga classes this year, and sugar you are next on my hit list! eeek!)
2. Visit three new places: This is the one I was most looking forward to - being a bit of a gypsy at heart and having being "stuck" in Bowen since we moved back from London nearly 5 years ago (yep that's right - it's nearly been 5 years!!) Progress has definitely been made with this resolution (we visited Eungella and camped - I am not sure whether that counts though, because I have technically been to Eungella Dam before but I never camped actually at Eungella town before - and the fact that our camping trip revolved around only the camp site since the weather was so miserable and we couldn't go anywhere! Also J thinks we can count our Easter Trip to the Tablelands - although again, technically, I have been there before and Jon hadn't, but we did go to some spots that I had never seen before, so that counts yeah?) - I am looking forward to adding some more destinations to this resolution before year's end.
3. Make one day a week "tech free" and one night a week "date night": Fail. Miserably. I don't even think we have managed one HALF of a day being tech free (we both took our laptops camping and the thought of not being able to Wiki-search some random fact at any given moment on my phone sends me into a cold sweat! haha). I am determined tho - we WILL work harder at shutting off our electronic distractions more often - perhaps the one day a week was a little ambitious though. And as for the date nights, well, we spend a lot of time together at home - watching movies, cooking feasts and baking treats, sitting beside each other while we are on our laptops haha etc - but the out-and-about date nights have been few and far between. To be fair, there isn't a great deal to do in Bowen apart from go to the cinema or go to a pub for dinner. I think we are gonna have to put our heads together here and get a little more creative to sort out some quality time (outside of the house) together. Open to suggestions follks.....
4. Learn two new crafts: Ughhh this is becoming depressing. Ok, so, I have started accumulating the tools and reference materials required to start two new crafts but, being that I had a LONG period of non-craft/creative time - I haven't actually started anything yet. However, I am committed to trying each of these crafts out at least once before the next New Year's rolls around. Watch this space!
5. Do a photo-an-hour challenge at least once a month: I did manage to complete two months worth of these challenges (thanks for putting these ridiculous ideas in my head Instagram!) before I realised that all they were doing was highlighting how fricken boring my life is most of the time. I mean come on, who wants to look at pictures of J and I weeding the garden? Or walking the dog every afternoon? That shit wears thin pretty quickly! haha Maybe I will save the next photo-an-hour challenge up for the next time I actually have something planned on the weekend - and remember to bring my camera!
6. Try at least one new recipe a month: This one was never really going to be that difficult for J and I - we both LOVE to cook - with J being a little more adventurous than I - so we have tried a few different recipes out *with varying degrees of success* over the past 6 months. Some of it was not that difficult but still delicious (ie my Jewish penicillin recipe from this weekend *chicken soup with dumplings for those not in the know*- amazeballs) and some a little more tricky to master (slow roasted pork belly with apple cider and fennel - I am pleased to announce crispy crackle and juicy tender meat were a-plenty that day - it was touch and go for a while tho!). Needless to say, I will thoroughly enjoy continuing on with this resolution for the rest of the year - and hopefully get the chance to post some pics/recipes while I am at it.
7. Start some type of study: Oh hello indecision, my old friend. Thanks for showing up and sewing seeds of doubt in me for this resolution. I have spent many, many, many hours contemplating what is the right thing to do here. Battles of job security vs study costs, age vs desire to learn, head vs heart (and on and on) are still being waged in my head. Not to mention - once the decision to sign on for a course has been made, then the decision of exactly WHAT to study rears its ugly head. Shortlist or not - there are "smart" options and then there are things that are probably not as job secure to study but things I am really interested in...... If I could go back in time and slap some sense into 18 year old me, I sooooo would - and she would never have let herself drop out the first time she had a stab at university study (amongst other dumb decisions she made! haha). In the meanwhile - I will continue to write my "pros and cons" lists and hope that eventually a clear, right decision will make itself apparent to me.
So as you can see - not having a great run of success with these resolutions. But I didn't expect to actually achieve them all. Some are a bit nonsense, and some are a little more important. As long as I keep in the back of my mind the reasons why I thought these resolutions might serve to improve my life, I might actually make some more headway into the second half of this year.
Happy Half-Year y'all
Big love
S x
Thursday, 20 June 2013
RIP James Gandolfini
I am always a big admirer of creative people (in whatever genre) who are unapologetic in their "different-ness". It's a lot easier to respect a artist when the only reason they are known and loved is for the dedication they show to their craft and not what scandal they have got themselves into for the week. James Gandolfini is one of the few who have managed to maintain that dignity, in my opinion.
I am a huge fan of the work he did in the Sopranos - one of the best TV dramas ever made - but for me and my nostalgic tastes - his voice work on Where The Wild Things Are was my favourite.
RIP
"Now you are a king, and you will be a truly great king"
Carol "Wild Thing" - Where the Wild Things Are
Wednesday, 19 June 2013
Grunge
Someone was telling me the other day about a documentary they watched that focused on new treatment for Alzheimer's patients in the USA. The gist of the therapy is that the patients are played music from different eras in their life (along with other stimulus) and the music triggers memories and responses that have been locked away for so long.
It got me to thinking, that it might be fun to lay down some "soundtracks" or playlists for different periods of my life. So here is the first one - my grunge phase. Definately not the first genre of music I was into (insert cringing-ly embarrassing story about having a huuuuuuuge crush on Donnie Wahlberg from NKOTB) - but a genre that I still really, really, really enjoy.
Some of these songs bring a tear to my eye - recalling those horrid teen angst years. Some of them are just genuinely amazing songs (in my opinion of course). But all of them remind me of a time when the most important thing to me was hanging with my awesome friends, finding something to smoke and place to have a party that night and not having a single care in the world.... ahhhh those were some days! Enjoy :)
disclaimer - I am fully aware that some of these songs may not technically be "grunge" affiliated - but they were tunes I was into in my grunge days - soooooo shut your face :P
ps the tracks listed below are actually links to youtube if you wanna have a listen (just click) - I thoroughly recommend chucking on a flannel shirt and letting your hair down if you do - hah!
1. Disarm - The Smashing Pumpkins 2. Plush - Stone Temple Pilots
3. Pretty Noose - Soundgarden 4. Nutshell - Alice in Chains
5. Jane Says - Janes Addiction 6. Fade Into You - Mazzy Star
7. Elderly Woman.... - Pearl Jam 8. About a Girl - Nirvana
9. Israel's Son - Silverchair 10. Miss World - Hole
11. Seasons - Chris Cornell 12. Touch Me I'm Sick - Mudhoney
13. Everlong - Foo Fighters 14. Linger - Cranberries
15. Feel the Pain - Dinosaur Jr 16. Kool Thing - Sonic Youth
It got me to thinking, that it might be fun to lay down some "soundtracks" or playlists for different periods of my life. So here is the first one - my grunge phase. Definately not the first genre of music I was into (insert cringing-ly embarrassing story about having a huuuuuuuge crush on Donnie Wahlberg from NKOTB) - but a genre that I still really, really, really enjoy.
Some of these songs bring a tear to my eye - recalling those horrid teen angst years. Some of them are just genuinely amazing songs (in my opinion of course). But all of them remind me of a time when the most important thing to me was hanging with my awesome friends, finding something to smoke and place to have a party that night and not having a single care in the world.... ahhhh those were some days! Enjoy :)
disclaimer - I am fully aware that some of these songs may not technically be "grunge" affiliated - but they were tunes I was into in my grunge days - soooooo shut your face :P
ps the tracks listed below are actually links to youtube if you wanna have a listen (just click) - I thoroughly recommend chucking on a flannel shirt and letting your hair down if you do - hah!
1. Disarm - The Smashing Pumpkins 2. Plush - Stone Temple Pilots
3. Pretty Noose - Soundgarden 4. Nutshell - Alice in Chains
5. Jane Says - Janes Addiction 6. Fade Into You - Mazzy Star
7. Elderly Woman.... - Pearl Jam 8. About a Girl - Nirvana
9. Israel's Son - Silverchair 10. Miss World - Hole
11. Seasons - Chris Cornell 12. Touch Me I'm Sick - Mudhoney
13. Everlong - Foo Fighters 14. Linger - Cranberries
15. Feel the Pain - Dinosaur Jr 16. Kool Thing - Sonic Youth
Thursday, 13 June 2013
Time out.....
What's that old saying? Hope for the best, prepare for the worst? Is that how it goes? Or is it expect the worst, hope for the best? Either way, there seems to be an element of acknowledging that the "worst case scenario" is bound to happen at some point - no matter how much of a positive thinker you are. It got me thinking, what is the best approach to this positive thinking malarkey?
Is it A) not allow myself to even THINK about this first step in our infertility journey not working? Do I not prepare myself for the disappointment by not contemplating it? And when the (what seems like inevitable) disappointment comes - am I allowed to be annoyed?
Or do I B) try and remain as positive as possible - despite the set-backs - but all the while sneakily plan out the disappointment and how to deal with it in my head? Plan B seems a bit cheaty - like pretending to be positive on the outside but on the inside really being realistic (I am starting to really fricken hate reality lately! haha).
All jokes aside, it is very confusing to me - as I really want to be one of these people who can look on the bright side of things, who can see the silver lining to every cloud, who can do all the other cliché things that positive thinkers do.
But for now, I guess I will just take each day as it comes, deal with the disappointment as best I can (I am not gonna lie - there are ugly moments) and always try and rein in my thinking to the "positive" realm. Ps if there are any tried and true positive thinkers out there- please feel free to drop me a line with some ideas on how keep my focus and positive-think the sh*t outta this situation.
Ok, now without sounding like Captain Obvious - I guess I should share that the Clomid hasn't /didn't work. By god we gave it a good go - but it just wasn't meant to be.
My last appointment with Dr Whatshisname was fine - totally what I was expecting ("don't give up", "unexplained fertility counts for 30% of infertility cases", "end of the road for public health" blah blah blah) and a little embarrassing getting teary in front of two student doctors (the girl one was really nice and rubbed my arm - the boy one got nervous and looked at the wall - ughhh boys! Dorks! haha).
So what does this mean? - well for now, not a whole lot. We had, foolishly some may say, put off signing up for private health cover because we wanted so badly not to need it. So now that we have had to bite the bullet and sign up AND wait out the "non-covered" period - our actual IVF coverage won't kick in until early 2014 - and there is no way we can afford to start IVF without it (although, to be honest, the whole how much it's gonna cost with/without private health cover thing still confuses me a bit - needless to say it's gonna be a LOT!).
In the meanwhile, we are planning on getting as much as possible done to the house and garden (warning: if considering buying a 100 year old house and you don't know diddly-squat about DIY home renos and you don't earn enough to pay someone else to do it for you - RECONSIDER!), re-focusing ourselves and our goals for the next few years into manageable chunks (study - eeeeeeek!) and spending as much time together NOT stressing. It's going to be a bit of a change - but a welcome one. And you just never know what could happen in the meanwhile ;)
So. To steer the thought train back onto the positive track, here is:
Something I am looking forward to: meeting up with my old mate Anna this weekend in Townsville.
We haven't seen each other since she visited Bowen in 2008. She was such a huge part of my time living overseas - I don't think I would have survived as long as I did without her friendship and ability to keep up with my pint drinking prowess - so I am very excited to be seeing her lovely face again this weekend - minus the copious amounts of Stella Artois. Yay!
Something I am grateful for: my ma and pa.
I know most everyone thinks their parents are the greatest (after you grow up from the teenage-parent-hate phase) but I honestly have no idea where Jon and I would be without my oldies. They aren't perfect and they aren't saints - but what they are is exactly what we need. Always there to listen to my whinging and then snap me back to reality (please note I only refer to MY whinging - pretty sure Jdog doesn't have a moaning bone in his body - fricken robot! haha), always there to offer advice when needed but not overstep the boundaries of parenting and meddling, always available to puppy sit when we take some much needed chill time together and most importantly - always there to remind me of what is important in this lifetime - a family who supports you without spoiling you, loves you without smothering you and needs only each other's company to thrive. We really truly are blessed.
Something I am enjoying: the weather!
Maybe it was the years I spent surviving on minimal sunshine and warmth in England. Maybe its the excuse to wear jeans all the time. Maybe its the lack of sweat beading out of my head. Whatever it is - I am loving the weather at the moment. It's not very often North Queensland will have a cold AND wet winter - but that is how this winter has started out and it is great in my books! Even our 3 day camping trip being washed out wasn't enough to dampen (pardon the pun) my spirits. Keep it up cosmos - someone down here is lovin' it!
Something I am lusting after: these bedside tables.
I haven't been doing a lot of crafting/creative stuff lately - and I am missing it. I have already lined up a sewing date with a friend next weekend (I think I will just use the time to re-introduce myself to my machines - I feel completely lost and will probably need the practice!). I am also definately, absolutely, without a shadow of a doubt going to be attempting these awesome beside tables. It's a bit out of my depth and I will no doubt require the assistance of Jdog and my dad and his power tools... but I WILL get them done - watch this space!
Ok folks, catch up done - thanks for stopping by again. Will be back soon I promise - positive thinking and crafting out the wahzoo....
Big, huge, humongous love
S xx
Is it A) not allow myself to even THINK about this first step in our infertility journey not working? Do I not prepare myself for the disappointment by not contemplating it? And when the (what seems like inevitable) disappointment comes - am I allowed to be annoyed?
Or do I B) try and remain as positive as possible - despite the set-backs - but all the while sneakily plan out the disappointment and how to deal with it in my head? Plan B seems a bit cheaty - like pretending to be positive on the outside but on the inside really being realistic (I am starting to really fricken hate reality lately! haha).
All jokes aside, it is very confusing to me - as I really want to be one of these people who can look on the bright side of things, who can see the silver lining to every cloud, who can do all the other cliché things that positive thinkers do.
But for now, I guess I will just take each day as it comes, deal with the disappointment as best I can (I am not gonna lie - there are ugly moments) and always try and rein in my thinking to the "positive" realm. Ps if there are any tried and true positive thinkers out there- please feel free to drop me a line with some ideas on how keep my focus and positive-think the sh*t outta this situation.
Ok, now without sounding like Captain Obvious - I guess I should share that the Clomid hasn't /didn't work. By god we gave it a good go - but it just wasn't meant to be.
My last appointment with Dr Whatshisname was fine - totally what I was expecting ("don't give up", "unexplained fertility counts for 30% of infertility cases", "end of the road for public health" blah blah blah) and a little embarrassing getting teary in front of two student doctors (the girl one was really nice and rubbed my arm - the boy one got nervous and looked at the wall - ughhh boys! Dorks! haha).
So what does this mean? - well for now, not a whole lot. We had, foolishly some may say, put off signing up for private health cover because we wanted so badly not to need it. So now that we have had to bite the bullet and sign up AND wait out the "non-covered" period - our actual IVF coverage won't kick in until early 2014 - and there is no way we can afford to start IVF without it (although, to be honest, the whole how much it's gonna cost with/without private health cover thing still confuses me a bit - needless to say it's gonna be a LOT!).
In the meanwhile, we are planning on getting as much as possible done to the house and garden (warning: if considering buying a 100 year old house and you don't know diddly-squat about DIY home renos and you don't earn enough to pay someone else to do it for you - RECONSIDER!), re-focusing ourselves and our goals for the next few years into manageable chunks (study - eeeeeeek!) and spending as much time together NOT stressing. It's going to be a bit of a change - but a welcome one. And you just never know what could happen in the meanwhile ;)
So. To steer the thought train back onto the positive track, here is:
Something I am looking forward to: meeting up with my old mate Anna this weekend in Townsville.
We haven't seen each other since she visited Bowen in 2008. She was such a huge part of my time living overseas - I don't think I would have survived as long as I did without her friendship and ability to keep up with my pint drinking prowess - so I am very excited to be seeing her lovely face again this weekend - minus the copious amounts of Stella Artois. Yay!
Something I am grateful for: my ma and pa.
I know most everyone thinks their parents are the greatest (after you grow up from the teenage-parent-hate phase) but I honestly have no idea where Jon and I would be without my oldies. They aren't perfect and they aren't saints - but what they are is exactly what we need. Always there to listen to my whinging and then snap me back to reality (please note I only refer to MY whinging - pretty sure Jdog doesn't have a moaning bone in his body - fricken robot! haha), always there to offer advice when needed but not overstep the boundaries of parenting and meddling, always available to puppy sit when we take some much needed chill time together and most importantly - always there to remind me of what is important in this lifetime - a family who supports you without spoiling you, loves you without smothering you and needs only each other's company to thrive. We really truly are blessed.
Something I am enjoying: the weather!
Something I am lusting after: these bedside tables.
Image via abeautifulmess.com
I haven't been doing a lot of crafting/creative stuff lately - and I am missing it. I have already lined up a sewing date with a friend next weekend (I think I will just use the time to re-introduce myself to my machines - I feel completely lost and will probably need the practice!). I am also definately, absolutely, without a shadow of a doubt going to be attempting these awesome beside tables. It's a bit out of my depth and I will no doubt require the assistance of Jdog and my dad and his power tools... but I WILL get them done - watch this space!
Ok folks, catch up done - thanks for stopping by again. Will be back soon I promise - positive thinking and crafting out the wahzoo....
Big, huge, humongous love
S xx
Sunday, 12 May 2013
Vintage us!
errr..how much of a babe is my Ma in this pic? (excuse the chubby faced, boy haired pudge face in the middle!)
What a tops lady - the best bring-you-back-down-to-earth kinda chick you could ever want in your life. The backbone of our family. And a source of never-ending strength and determination that literally makes my head spin!
I ain't even gonna hate that there isn't a "Kid's Day" - like I used to when I was younger - mothers like her deserve a day to be recognised for their hard work and perserverance.
I am just grateful that she is in my life. I am grateful that she is in a lot of peoples' lives.
When I look at this picture, I choose to not dwell on what I don't have - but relish in what I do have. And my family (and J's family) are something to be really thankful for.
To all my mummy friends, thank you for being the best examples I could ever want to learn from. You span the ranges from single parents, blended families, amazing partnerships and everything in between - but what you all are is inspirational. Y'all may not be my mum - but I am gonna say
(clearly my photoshop skills are as good as my "spraypainted macaroni artwork for mother's day" skills from pre-school)
Sending all my love and light
Sxx
It gets a little harder
with each and every year.
The loneliness, the guilt,
the pain and the fear.
On days like today
when it should be me as well,
no matter how hard i try
the tears begin to swell.
Yes, I can distract myself
with the care and love of others,
but really all I think about
is joining with those mothers.
How can I feel so much longing
for someone not even conceived?
the journey taking longer
than i ever could have believed.
I may not have her in my arms or
that place filled in my heart
but baby, our bond is real
and was right from the start.
I have been watching those around me
to see just how they do,
so on the day we finally meet
I can be the best for you.
I am really good at making lists
and planning and taking care,
but this one is out of my hands
and patience mine to bear.
So baby, take your time -
I'll be ready for you, come what may,
and looking forward to the year
you make MY Mothers' Day.
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