And on and on.....

February has proved about exciting as a Norah Jones album (or Bore-ah Jones as I like to call her). There isn't really anything to report...yet again. 

The full steam momentum we seemed to start this trying-to-conceive journey with appears to have fizzled out. Where before I would be so emotionally invested in the set backs and disappointments, I now find myself emotionally bankrupt - not that I don't care, just that I have nothing left to react appropriately (or even inappropriately).

Have I just learnt to expect bad news? Have I conditioned myself to accept that this journey will never end with a child of our own - and that these steps are merely to show we tried everything we could? How exactly do I let go completely an allow fate to take it's course? Is this something that everyone struggles with? 

I suppose it doesn't help that I am fiercely independent (unashamedly so) and the thought of people "feeling sorry" for me makes me want to vomit. I am the take-care-of-er not the take-care-of-ee - what a struggle that is for my brain to deal with! But it's probably not a bad life lesson to learn - even at 32 years old. 

Patience and positivity - the words that bump around in my brain tank on the daily - such wonderful virtues to possess - but seriously, do they come naturally to ANYONE? I am still "take a breath and count to ten"ing most days...not a bad method to slow myself/my natural reaction to difficult situations down - but cripes it would be so much easier if it was natural habit instead of so forced! 

Dr WhatsHisName (I actually do know his name - I just like the way it sounds) has extended our Clomid treatment by 3 months. I suspect he is buying us some time until our waiting period for private health cover expires - but whatever the reason I am eternally grateful - what a champ!

And in a further twist, I am about to re-enrol myself in uni (after a disastrous attempt 14 years ago) - not 100% sure what course yet - but I do have a short list. I figure what better way to test fertility fate than signing up for the constraints of full time study whilst full time working...Murphy's Law - come at me!


Thanks again for stopping by - hopefully something a little more riveting next time.
Big love
Sxx

Zucchini and Haloumi Fritters

If you are looking for a light dinner option, or in minature a great appetiser for a dinner party..then look no further than these quick, simple and healthy zucchini and haloumi fritters.

Grate 4 large zucchini into a colander - let them sit for half an hour

Finely dice an onion, crush two cloves of garlic and 2 rashers of bacon (can be left out if you are after a vege only option)

Fry the onion, garlic and bacon in a small amount of oil/spray

While the onion etc is cooking, grate 250g of haloumi cheese into a bowl - and add the finely grated zest of half a lemon

Squeeze out the excess moisture from the zucchini through the colander and add to haloumi, along with the onion etc and mix well

Sprinkle flour over the top of the mix until covered (the amount of flour will depend on how big your zucchinis were and how much moisture you got out of them - this step will require you to adjust your mixture accordingly)

Add two beaten eggs to the mix and stir until it becomes slightly "gluggy" - the mixture is not meant to be batter with bits of stuff floating around but more the ingredients bound together with a really small amount of batter...this is where you may need to add extra flour

Season with pepper - you won't need salt as the bacon and haloumi are both pre' salty

Heat 5mm of oil in a frying pan (again you can use what type you like - but I wouldn't recommend an olive oil with a strong taste - and you want something that can stand a prolonged heat - coconut oil works really well, as does peanut or vegetable)

Fry batches of mixture in whatever size you like (I made ours into large "burger" size patties for our main meal, if you wanted smaller appetiser size ones just cook them for less time each side) until golden brown each side and drain on paper towel. 

Voile! Delicious!

They taste especially good with a nice relish or chutney and a simple side salad.

Enjoy x

Lust for Life - Green With Envy

I am not sure whether it's my impatient excitement about the upcoming "Oz the Great and Powerful" (a prequel to the Wizard of Oz), or the fact that emerald green was named Pantone's Colour of the Year for 2013 - but anything green has been really turning my head lately. Here are some of my fav finds:

dress

fabric

 earrings

bowl

nails

pergola

teacup

teatowel print

ps I realise the irony of the last item's message (teatowel print) and the fact this is a list of material "things" but there you go...I love stuff and things....

Inspire Me

Update

I wanna blame the heat - the stifling, uncomfortable, unbearable heat. Or maybe the plethora of annoyingly frustrating events that have happened lately #carblowsup#fridgeblowsuptoo#bothcatsgetsick#backstairsdisintegrate#probablesecondleakinroof#dogbitespostman etc etc etc.

Whatever the reason, I have been C-R-A-N-K-Y lately... so cranky I couldn't even bring myself to do anything crafty, or even log into this blog let alone write an update! (until now obviously). It's been the kind of cranky where I wake up pissed off. Where the slightest, insignificant things are enough to make me want to claw my own eyeballs out. Where I second guess every thing I have ever thought, said or done. I think I have been pretty good at not directing this anger at anyone else (you might have to double check with J about that tho!) but my god! it was exhausting!

I appear to have turned a corner this week - even with the realisation that I am on my last round of Clomid....well...sort of...maybe.... (explanation next time). Even after having to bite the bullet and sign J and I up for the rort that is private health cover (with Dr WhatsHisName's IVF lecture ringing in my ears).

So I rode out that wave, as all the "textbooks" say Infertile Myrtles will at some point. Now what? Well, apart from get a new car (check) and a fridge (check), take cats to vet (check), apologise to postman and hope he doesn't sue (check), start house repairs (check) - the only thing left to do is let go of trying to control everything around me. Accept the fact that shitty things will continue to happen to good people, and good things will happen to shitty people. The difference is that good people learn from their challenges, and shitty people take for granted their blessings and ultimately spoil them. But really, what happens to other people, good or not, is none of my business.

I hope I am explaining the emotional aspect to this rollercoaster properly - I am worried I am coming across like a schizophrenic, baby-snatching lunatic - and I promise I'm not! I just want to put down a truthful account of these weeks and months as they unfold, as honest as possible anyways.

And if I can help someone else out there is cyberspace going through the same thing - who thinks to themselves "Am I the only nut-job who feels like this?" well that is cool bananas with me too :)

Thanks for stopping by again, cool cats.
Cheers S xx

Inspire Me

Here are some "things" that have kept me inspired lately:

this post from one of my favourite blogs 

this documentary episode about the mining industry vs Jabiluka and the Mirra people

watching this movie  

Do you like pina coladas (and getting caught in the rain)?

Ok, so dreadful song, but this easy peasy recipe for pina colada flavoured cupcakes (c/o The Hummingbird Bakery cookbook) more than makes up for it. 

You will need:

 Preheat your oven to 180 degrees celsius. Mix flour, sugar, baking powder and salt in a bowl. Rub in butter until you get a breadcrumby texture (I used the wooden spoon below and elbow-grease - but I am sure one of those kitchen mixer thingies would be a lot less effort - for those who are so lucky).

Make a well in the centre and add the coconut milk and egg, stir until you have a smooth batter.

Now divide up the chopped pineapple into 12 cupcake papers (if using tinned I would recommend drying it out well in a colander first - fresh pineapple wouldn't be so bad).

Add the batter on top - to around 3/4 full - and bake for 20-25 minutes or until lightly golden on top (mine actually took a little longer than this - but my oven is normally slow).

For the frosting:

Beat together 250g icing sugar with 80g softened butter, add coconut milk and continue beating until light and fluffy. Frost cupcakes when cooled, and decorate with dessicated coconut on top. YUM!

Confession: the last pic isn't of my attempt at this recipe. Mine turned out a little flat (I am blaming the 40degree flippin' heat in my kitchen that day) - not that I am ashamed of their flat little heads - I just didn't want you to not try the recipe because of my little freaks.

A little tip - I added the pulp of two passionfruit to the icing (and halved the coconut milk) - for an extra tropical-ly hit (and because I had more passionfruit than we knew what to do with) and it was d-e-v-i-n-e.

Enjoy xx