Sunday, 23 September 2012

Beginnings

I find the beginnings of things harder than the finishing a lot of time. This blog has been an idea in my head for a long time - floating and bumping around with all the other "projects" I like to give myself and never actually find the time to start. Well, not this time. Today is the beginning of a new me - who isn't going to be afraid to start things - a jump-on-in'er is what I am going to be. 
The purpose for wanting to start a blog is two-fold actually. The first being a form of self-prescribed therapy and a change to my internalising ways. The second being a form of diary/note keeping/timeline of this journey that we have been travelling down for some time now - the baby-makin' phase of our life together. More details will follow, of course, but I feel I should probably just put it out there that there was an actual purpose for this new beginning.
I want to remember to appreciate the good things in life when being faced with a difficult situation - the process of noting these "good things" down and giving myself the time to enjoy them plus have a handy go-to reference book  blog can only be a good thing right?
Ok so now I have got all that off my chest - I am going to jump right on in to this week's post.

Something that I am thankful for:

Cheesy, predictable and probably to his embarrassment I am going to have to call out my old buddy, old pal Jonny on this. Jonathan Brewster, Jonny, Jonno, Jdawg, Jdizzle - whatever you like to call him -  the dude is pretty amazeballs. He doesn't say a lot, and when he does a lot of the time it's in a whisper - but what he does say is usually exactly what I need to hear - especially if I am in need of a dressing down. 
We are having a particularly rough patch at the moment with some particularly nasty fertility medications which make me, well, particularly nasty. A raging, psychopathic, emotional wreck of a cow some may say. Ps I say "we" because even though I am the one taking the drugs, Jonny is the one with all the patience of a saint (85% of the time-which is understandable), the one with his arms always ready for a cuddle when I break down into one of my eleventy hundred sob-fests for the week and the one who is really doing all the hard work. 
I am not going to turn this into a gush - I just want to say that all those years ago when I invited the quiet young fella from work to come for a drink after we finished - and we spent the entire night chatting to only each other (and downing far too many pints of some crappy Wetherspoons ale) I don't think I could have got it more right. And for that I am truly grateful.

Something that made me happy:

Again, its probably very predictable - especially for you pet owners out there - but is there anything that can put a smile on your face faster than the love and affection of a dog? In our case - the universe delivered us a real doozey - Ringo Buddy Bingo! Sure, he is the cause of our wooden floors looking like a bloody barber shop floor most of the time. And yeah, 28 kilos of dog plonking down on your chest at 5am followed by a lick to the face isn't the best way to start the day. But when I am having one of my aforementioned sob-fests and there is no Jonny to be seen - laying face down on the bed feeling pretty miserable about it all - and I feel the also aforementioned 28 kilos jump up on the bed, lay down beside me and put his nose on my arm - well, how can you stay sad? We might not have a human child to fill the void that is in our hearts, but man are our hearts full to bursting with the love we have for our dog-child. An absolute personality packed, disobedient, smiling, loyal, annoying, inappropriate (why do neutered dogs hump everything in sight?), hilarious dog child who makes me happy every single day.

Something I am looking forward to:
Weirdly, and for me it is weird as I tend to dwell on the negative alot (hence the need to start this blog), I am really looking forward to starting my second round of Clomid this week. Of course I was devastated when the obvious signs the first round didn't work occured. Of course I was disappointed and sad and all that stuff. But it wasn't long before I realised that I have another sheet of Clomid in my medicine cabinet - and that is more than what we had when we started this journey of fertility testing and treatment. We have so many more answers now - and we have a lovely doctor (Dr Trimble - I even like saying her name) who is taking care of us - and that is a GREAT improvement on where we were at a year ago so - yay! Yay! for realising that the story isn't set in stone for us yet - and that we are doing everything we possibly can to make this work. And Yay! for knowing that it is going to pay off, whenever that might be is a-ok with me. For now, I am pretty chuffed with this new "positivity" deal - so YAY!

So thats my first week's post and it wasn't anywhere near as painful as I thought it would be. See Sara? Beginnings are definately worth it.

1 comment:

  1. Amazing Sara!, love your courage. I will be waiting impatiently for the next installment. Much love, Jess xoxox

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