I wanna blame the heat - the stifling, uncomfortable, unbearable heat. Or maybe the plethora of annoyingly frustrating events that have happened lately #carblowsup#fridgeblowsuptoo#bothcatsgetsick#backstairsdisintegrate#probablesecondleakinroof#dogbitespostman etc etc etc.
Whatever the reason, I have been C-R-A-N-K-Y lately... so cranky I couldn't even bring myself to do anything crafty, or even log into this blog let alone write an update! (until now obviously). It's been the kind of cranky where I wake up pissed off. Where the slightest, insignificant things are enough to make me want to claw my own eyeballs out. Where I second guess every thing I have ever thought, said or done. I think I have been pretty good at not directing this anger at anyone else (you might have to double check with J about that tho!) but my god! it was exhausting!
I appear to have turned a corner this week - even with the realisation that I am on my last round of Clomid....well...sort of...maybe.... (explanation next time). Even after having to bite the bullet and sign J and I up for the rort that is private health cover (with Dr WhatsHisName's IVF lecture ringing in my ears).
So I rode out that wave, as all the "textbooks" say Infertile Myrtles will at some point. Now what? Well, apart from get a new car (check) and a fridge (check), take cats to vet (check), apologise to postman and hope he doesn't sue (check), start house repairs (check) - the only thing left to do is let go of trying to control everything around me. Accept the fact that shitty things will continue to happen to good people, and good things will happen to shitty people. The difference is that good people learn from their challenges, and shitty people take for granted their blessings and ultimately spoil them. But really, what happens to other people, good or not, is none of my business.
I hope I am explaining the emotional aspect to this rollercoaster properly - I am worried I am coming across like a schizophrenic, baby-snatching lunatic - and I promise I'm not! I just want to put down a truthful account of these weeks and months as they unfold, as honest as possible anyways.
And if I can help someone else out there is cyberspace going through the same thing - who thinks to themselves "Am I the only nut-job who feels like this?" well that is cool bananas with me too :)
Thanks for stopping by again, cool cats.
Cheers S xx