Tuesday, 30 October 2012

Just to clarify

Bit of a slow news week in terms of fertility treatment this week - Round 3 of Clomid is down the hatch and hopefully doing wonderfully fertile things to my nethers. The waiting game really does suck tho... far too much time to think and stew.. hence... it has occurred to me (either via people's reactions to my rantings, or lack of, or my "over thinking" and paranoia) that my blog may have, unfortunately, painted me in an ungrateful, attention-seeking or overly dramatic light to some.

To clarify - I have no misunderstandings as to how lucky I have been thus far in my life. Not a bed of roses by any stretch, nor a privileged existence - but a stable and humble upbringing surrounded by family who cared, friends who I cherish and opportunities and experiences that have blown my mind. 

I have travelled around the world and seen amazing places, met life-changing friends from every continent on earth and still got to return home to the place and the people that have my heart.

There IS one thing missing from our lives - and while it grows increasingly difficult to focus on much else at this point, it isn't the thing that will define or determine the rest of our lives. It is hard to explain what the longing feels like - in fact, unless you had experienced it yourself, even the best writer in the world couldn't adequately describe the physical and emotional pain that it causes. But it isn't the worst thing in the world that could happen to us - AND I KNOW THAT. But you try telling my heart that when it is skipping every second beat waiting for a pregnancy test result. Or try reasoning with my brain to stop that crying impulse every time I dream about J-dog holding his daughter for the first time (yes it's always girls - weird huh?)

I want to make my mum a Nanna and my dad a Poppy, I want to hear a little voice call out to Uncle Jarrod, I want to see Jon's chest swell with pride watching his children conquer all their "firsts" and of course I want to fill the emptiness in my own chest. But usually the universe doesn't care about "wants" and tends to deliver you what you need instead. And I know, and appreciate, that everything I NEED for a satisfying life I already have.

Have you ever heard the saying "It takes a village to raise a child"? I love the idea of the path of a child's life being shaped not only by a mother and/or father's guidance - but also the people around that child and the love and support they provide - be it teachers, neighbours, family, friends and a general sense of belonging to a community. These ramblings are my way of plugging into my "village" and the love and support that is out there for us - which we have received in heart-warming truckloads by the way. So thank you for reading and commenting and helping shoulder this load - it truly means the world xx

Oh and for those who care - here are some things that put a smile on my face this week:

  • I absolutely ADORE this blog - why? I don't really know as I am not big into fashion at all - but I love her style and would probably do despicable things to have hair like that! Plus the photos are pretty neat too...
  • Some scrum-diddly-umptious looking recipes on this site - for those into that "clean eating" jazz and even for those who aren't.
  • My little brother-in-law is in a band and they have some new songs (which I can't figure out how to link too - der Sara!) anways I think they are pre' neat - check em out here
  • Also I am subliminal mind messaging Santa for this and this and to sign me up for this

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