Daydreams of a gypsy heart....

Easter weekend - can we go back now, yes?

road trippin'

Milla Milla falls

Throwing rocks into the crater

Crater - view down

Water fun at Lake Tinaroo

Hints and Tips #1

Being the Helpful Harry that I am, I thought I would jot down some pointers I think might be useful for someone starting the trying-to-conceive-but-not-doing-so-well journey.

1. If I had a dollar for every time someone has said to me "once you relax and stop thinking about it, it will happen"I could probably afford to buy myself a Brangelina style family on the black market. Same applies to the "my friend/aunt/cousin/neighbour/etc did <insert suggestion here> and it worked first time!" or "you should a) eat, b) drink, c) pray to..." old faithfuls.

Some days it makes me want to scream, and other days it doesn't bother me so much.

Truth is, I am the Queen of nervous babbling in awkward situations - and let's face it, what is more awkward than having a conversation with someone about their reproductive organs/sex life?

So I smile, nod, agree and remember - the person offering the advice is someone who cares enough to want the best for us - and that is something to be grateful for.

2. Dudes and dudettes just don't think the same. It's just.....science.....or something. Like the age old battle of the toilet seat position, the confusion at how a person can actually WANT to watch that much sport on television or the heated discussions about exactly how much is appropriate or necessary to spend at the hair salon each month - dealing with being an Infertile Myrtle will slap you in the face with a few more examples.

He will never understand what it feels like to have your insides poked, prodded, peered at and scrutinised. 

He couldn't possibly ever get how the maternal instinct in you makes it impossible to concentrate on anything much - other than getting the job done. 

He WILL look at you funny when you get teary at a Huggies ad, and he WILL complain when you put another episode of One Born Every Minute on. 

And he probably will only have a 50/50 strike rate of saying the right/wrong thing when you are feeling down. It's just....science...or nature.....or whatever.

But just remember this:

YOU will never have any idea how much HE hurts every time you have a set back, because he will be busy being strong for you.

You won't understand how helpless he feels when he sees you cry or go through yet another uncomfortable procedure, because he will be trying his best to cheer you up.

There are probably no words he could use to describe how dented and damaged he gets with every bit of bad news - but even if there were, how often would anyone ask how HE feels?

It will be true in almost every aspect of your partnership - you will see things differently, react to the same situations differently, you will have two separate sets of emotions.

But at the end of the day, you are a team working together towards the same goal and all that other little stuff JUST DOESN'T MATTER. Like someone once told me, just because someone doesn't love you the exact way you want to be loved - doesn't mean they don't love you with everything they have.

3. "Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand" Mark Twain

Even though my cheeks take over my face and squish my eyes up, my teeth look horsey, I snort and generally look like a doofus - I loves me a good laugh! I find humour in the smallest, stupidest things (YouTube blooper/gag reels anyone?) - and am fortunate enough to be surrounded by some pretty hilarious people in my day to day life. 

It sounds cheesy, but laughter really can be the best medicine and a fantastic distraction even if just for a minute. 

So my suggestion is: get yourself a "store" of funny movies/tv shows and whenever you are feeling like poop - chuck one on, put your feet up and let those snorts rip! 

ps if anyone was interested my current favourites are Parks and Recreation, Ricky Gervais stand up DVDs and Step Brothers (animation movies also work a treat too - Totoro and Mary and Max being two of my repeats)

4. When dealing with a crisis - it soon becomes apparent which friends and family are "available" for you - unconditionally. 

For some, dealing with your "woe is me" moments will be too much (totally understandably). 

For others, letting you ugly-cry over a glass (ok... a bottle) of wine while cursing your ovarian function isn't a biggy. 

My suggestion: figure out who you can rely on to support you and TALK - talk as often as you want or need. Share your fears, hopes and feelings - preferably with wine (everything is better with wine - right?). 

Don't bottle that stuff up - because if and when you start those fertility meds, you are gonna erupt like Mt Krakatoa in a completely irrational, uncontrollable way - and that is HEAPS worse than an ugly-cry! 

Just remember to return the favour - pay it forward and learn from these awesome people how to be the best listener/friend possible - and ALWAYS bring wine ;)

And on and on.....

February has proved about exciting as a Norah Jones album (or Bore-ah Jones as I like to call her). There isn't really anything to report...yet again. 

The full steam momentum we seemed to start this trying-to-conceive journey with appears to have fizzled out. Where before I would be so emotionally invested in the set backs and disappointments, I now find myself emotionally bankrupt - not that I don't care, just that I have nothing left to react appropriately (or even inappropriately).

Have I just learnt to expect bad news? Have I conditioned myself to accept that this journey will never end with a child of our own - and that these steps are merely to show we tried everything we could? How exactly do I let go completely an allow fate to take it's course? Is this something that everyone struggles with? 

I suppose it doesn't help that I am fiercely independent (unashamedly so) and the thought of people "feeling sorry" for me makes me want to vomit. I am the take-care-of-er not the take-care-of-ee - what a struggle that is for my brain to deal with! But it's probably not a bad life lesson to learn - even at 32 years old. 

Patience and positivity - the words that bump around in my brain tank on the daily - such wonderful virtues to possess - but seriously, do they come naturally to ANYONE? I am still "take a breath and count to ten"ing most days...not a bad method to slow myself/my natural reaction to difficult situations down - but cripes it would be so much easier if it was natural habit instead of so forced! 

Dr WhatsHisName (I actually do know his name - I just like the way it sounds) has extended our Clomid treatment by 3 months. I suspect he is buying us some time until our waiting period for private health cover expires - but whatever the reason I am eternally grateful - what a champ!

And in a further twist, I am about to re-enrol myself in uni (after a disastrous attempt 14 years ago) - not 100% sure what course yet - but I do have a short list. I figure what better way to test fertility fate than signing up for the constraints of full time study whilst full time working...Murphy's Law - come at me!


Thanks again for stopping by - hopefully something a little more riveting next time.
Big love
Sxx

Zucchini and Haloumi Fritters

If you are looking for a light dinner option, or in minature a great appetiser for a dinner party..then look no further than these quick, simple and healthy zucchini and haloumi fritters.

Grate 4 large zucchini into a colander - let them sit for half an hour

Finely dice an onion, crush two cloves of garlic and 2 rashers of bacon (can be left out if you are after a vege only option)

Fry the onion, garlic and bacon in a small amount of oil/spray

While the onion etc is cooking, grate 250g of haloumi cheese into a bowl - and add the finely grated zest of half a lemon

Squeeze out the excess moisture from the zucchini through the colander and add to haloumi, along with the onion etc and mix well

Sprinkle flour over the top of the mix until covered (the amount of flour will depend on how big your zucchinis were and how much moisture you got out of them - this step will require you to adjust your mixture accordingly)

Add two beaten eggs to the mix and stir until it becomes slightly "gluggy" - the mixture is not meant to be batter with bits of stuff floating around but more the ingredients bound together with a really small amount of batter...this is where you may need to add extra flour

Season with pepper - you won't need salt as the bacon and haloumi are both pre' salty

Heat 5mm of oil in a frying pan (again you can use what type you like - but I wouldn't recommend an olive oil with a strong taste - and you want something that can stand a prolonged heat - coconut oil works really well, as does peanut or vegetable)

Fry batches of mixture in whatever size you like (I made ours into large "burger" size patties for our main meal, if you wanted smaller appetiser size ones just cook them for less time each side) until golden brown each side and drain on paper towel. 

Voile! Delicious!

They taste especially good with a nice relish or chutney and a simple side salad.

Enjoy x

Lust for Life - Green With Envy

I am not sure whether it's my impatient excitement about the upcoming "Oz the Great and Powerful" (a prequel to the Wizard of Oz), or the fact that emerald green was named Pantone's Colour of the Year for 2013 - but anything green has been really turning my head lately. Here are some of my fav finds:

dress

fabric

 earrings

bowl

nails

pergola

teacup

teatowel print

ps I realise the irony of the last item's message (teatowel print) and the fact this is a list of material "things" but there you go...I love stuff and things....

Inspire Me